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bricolage \bree-koh-LAHZH; brih-\, noun: -a dump site for anything at hand, in mind-

Tuesday, November 20, 2001


2 messages


i really love my children, they are even more than my whole life.
God, please forgive me that i ever thought to leave them, only for someone who doesn't deserve

(suddenly i wrote this while i was watching Shalat Tarawih directly from Masjidil Haram on tv & wanna share with somebody,
sorry if i bother you).

"shalat tarawih" is this mass praying that muslims usually do after the fifth compulsory praying during ramadhan (a one month full day fasting for muslims). usually it's after 19.00 PM. it's not compulsory, you can either do it or not. and in this part of the world where I live, a private tv station (wouldn't call it a tv cable since you don't have to pay to view it) would air a live feed tarawih pray from mecca - the masjidil haram - a.k.a. this biggest and holiest mosque for muslims (unsure whether it's the biggest or not). the live feed would go for an hour or so. and for some people this might stimulate something in your system, enhanced by the ramadhan atmoshpere.

what's the catch?
you might have done something in life, right or wrong, that's not for the society to judge.
but something tickles you. something triggers that "thing" in you.
it was a message from a father who is seriously considering to leave his (a father is always a "he" by standard family structure) children and hand over the custody to someone else. why? there are reasons worth considering.

for those who haven't got any kids yet, stuff like this sounds like a damn soap opera. don't you think so?
it might.
but to some others, it might be a soft reminder (I'd say it's a soft reminder).
your offsprings will always be there. no matter what. although in most cases, it is not vice versa.
forget the guilt, forget the deed, forget the risk and consequences.

there is this proverb, I forgot where did I read it once:
"you can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories."

tried to forget whatever you left behind? a lot of people has tried that. but it will definitely haunt you.
some people makes some compromise, some others decided not.

mental scars never leave. it's buried deep down. it clings. attached.
prolly thicker than blood.

forgive and forget *quoting a friend of mine*
hopefully it works.



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